It is with great delight and joy that I welcome you to this great month. The Month of November Our month of Building Our Home. “Every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything”. Heb 3:4. The writer of Hebrew says God is responsible for building the big things, the sun, the moon, the stars, the galaxies, the oceans, but the task of building our home is entirely ours. Solomon narrows it further: “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down”. Prov 14:1. I believe “woman” is used “generically” here, meaning a wise man has that responsibility too. Even that wise child, youth, and young adult build their house.
Bill Gates is often quoted as saying, “It is not your fault if you are born poor, but it is your fault if you die poor.” Dele Dada says “it is not your fault if you are born into a dysfunctional family, but it is your fault if you build one.”
God has not only given us ingredients for building a great home he is willing to help us all the way- “Except the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it.” Psalm 127:1. Building the home is used broadly here it goes beyond marriage and family. It includes when you are a bachelor, spinster, pursuing a career or business, whether in your working life or dying days, you are building something-a home.
Every life process is about building an eternal home in heaven or hell. The question is what type of home are you building, a home that can fall at the slightest rain or that which can stand the fiercest storm! Jesus Christ is a specialist in home building. He can help you build a formidable home on earth, stable, dignifying, colorful, prosperous, full of peace and joy, and he also promised he is building mansions in heaven for those who are wise. Let Jesus be the architect, the general contractor, the material supplier, and the main builder of your home. When the house is finally built, let him be the manager to run it. Be wise! Happy New Month in Jesus’ name.
How To Build Homes
There are different categories of home builders: Spinsters, bachelors, and married couples.
The moment you are old enough to know you are a woman, you must start building your home intentionally. You don’t wait until you are married. It may be too late, or lack of preparation may even prevent you from marriage and make you miserable for life. The life of a woman is quite different from that of a man, based on their general physiology and anatomy. If men don’t take purity and virginity with seriousness, a woman should. Esther had that privilege; it opened a greet door of becoming a queen in a strange land. That means you protect yourself against predators, abusers of destiny, destiny destroyers who parade themselves as boy friends. It is a sin in the sight of God to commit fornication, but perhaps you did, you can easily ask God for forgiveness and He will forgive you. I didn’t say that to encourage you to do so but to stress my point. If you commit fornication, pre-marital sex, it may have consequences you will regret forever. Three things may happen, you may contact diseases STI/STD, or you may get pregnant and you have two options, you carry the pregnancy through and have a child out of wedlock. Most times the boy friend will not marry you and you become a baby mama. You may find it difficult to get married, as some people don’t wat to carry responsibility for another man’s child. Also, it may disrupt your academic /career life and other things. The second option is abortion, which makes you a murderer. In the process of the abortion, you may lose your womb or even your life! I always say be the right person to attract the right partner/spouse.
Also, as a spinster, get yourself ready financially by getting the right education, developing a career path that will help you to earn a living. Don’t waste your youthful age hoping for a rich man to come along to marry you, it may never happen. Even if it happens, you carry more weight in your husband’s house if you contribute financially to his life, in that case you are an asset and not a liability, trust me, no man ever has money enough and doesn’t want more and no one wants a liability spouse.
In essence surrender your heart to Jesus, constantly read and meditate on the word of God, pray, avoid unfruitful companies, never attempt to indulge in taking substances, weed etc, live a moral life and work hard to stabilise financially. Also development yourself emotionally, don’t be given to tantrums and quick temper, unforgiveness, bitterness and resentment.” Kekere lati npeka iroko.” Meaning You trim the iroko (mahogany) tree when it is small otherwise it is to late.
The road to self-improvement is often a long and arduous journey that can be incredibly rewarding once achieved. As it is often said, if you have to be addicted to anything, be addicted to self-improvement. Leaving the broad way for the narrow path of sainthood is the most important improvement you can make about your life. -I call it encountering Jesus. So many young men don’t pay attention to building their lives. They think the are having fun when at a tender age they start to smoke, drink alcohol, some involve themselves in substances or weed just to belong. Before long they become addicted to wrong things. Unfortunately, many of them end up languishing in institutions due to mental health issues, correctional and penitentiary homes instead of luxury homes! It is great to be born a male but is greater to develop yourself and build yourself to be a man, a responsible man. The bible is full of such people, Paul did not marry but he built a home. Daniel, Joseph, and many of the prophets: Haggai, Amos, Jeremiah built great homes for themselves from youth. Jacob worked hard for 20 years to secure a good marriage. I am not recommending you marry two wives. I just want you to see a man who served for seven years to get a wife and fourteen for two!
How do you build your self as a man? Learn how to avoid immoral life from childhood from Joseph. Learn dedication to service from Daniel, skillfulness from David, obedience to God from Abraham and Isaac. To the glory of God from 1977 when I gave my life to Christ, till I got married 1986 I was unknowingly building my home. I had over six years courtship with my wife without kissing her or being intimate. Flee fornication! 1 Cor 6:18 is possible. By the grace of God, I have never tasted cigarette, alcohol, wine, cocaine or any hard drugs. Ephesians 5:18: “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery.” Gal 5:19-21. In the past 20 years or more I don’t take juice, I drink only water. Besides as a bachelor I was deeply involved in church activities: choir, church driver, pastors’ driver, evangelism and accounts department. I spent my Sundays attending church service, witnessing to unbelievers, and following up new members to the church. I don’t undertake academic study on Sunday despite the fact that I was studying chemical engineering – my Sunday was totally dedicated to God! By the grace of God, not only did I pray, but with a group of three other fervent brothers we formed a prayer group that helped many other students on the campus. You must walk and work with God when you are a young man, that is how to build your home. If you are not praying studying the bible, fellowshipping when you are young it is difficult to do so when you are old. Don’t fall into the fallacy that spiritual things don’t matter, they matter most, life is more spiritual than your ca imagine!
As a young man I finished my first degree in 1981, I went for my home country’s National Youth Service Corp in 1981/1982, during this time I was active in a Christian drama group called Light Bearers, I was involved in rebuilding Christ Apostolic Church Oko Oba with Pastor Daniel Adeyemi and Elder Adeleke. Meanwhile I worked conscientiously in Lever Brothers Apapa, where I had my primary secular job. Thereafter, in 1982, I went for my master’s degree in chemical engineering at the Obafemi Awolowo University where I was a tutorial master in the Chem. Eng. Dept., at Our Lady of Apostles High School Ife, I taught Mathematics, Chemistry and Physics. I also taught mathematics at evening classes, in the staff quarters, to young children in that community. By April 1985, I got a job with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, Warri. Two weeks after I resumed, at the age of 30, I started Christ Apostolic Church Bethel Warri, the church that has produced over 20 other churches. I am trying to let the young man reading this, that you start building your home before you get married. As a man you are going to be a provider for your family, so prepare yourself academically and in every way possible.
Don’t engage yourself in life wasting ventures of any kind, plan to read the Bible through in a year, develop I have done it over and over by God’s grace. Develop the habit of fasting at least once a week, attend services not just on Sunday mornings, but during the week. Enjoy bible study and prayer meetings. To the glory of God, two of my friends and I met for three years (1977-79) on campus virtually every Saturday, to pray for a good wife, even before we thought of dating any woman. Building your home as a bachelor must be intentional.
The Yorubas, a people from the Western part of Nigeria say” ile oko, ile eko” meaning “when you enter into marriage, you have entered a learning institution.”The moment you get married feed your mind with helpful information and knowledge that will guide through. The Bible is one of such major resources for learning. Matt 22:29 “Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God.” You shouldn’t go into marriage without proper counselling. Learn about communication, tolerance, anger management, self-control etc. You must have heard of the two major causes of divorce: money and sex, there is nothing wrong with money and sex, it is the ignorance of how to use those two or the lack of discipline on how to manage them.
It is important to work with a goal in mind. Set a goal for a successful marriage. Not divorce. Don’t plan separation. Marriage is not trial and error. You need to visualize what you want to achieve and determine how you need to achieve it. When you work with a goal in mind, you are better prepared to make choices that align with your goal.
In addition to setting goals, surround yourself with people who are dedicated to helping you attain a healthy marriage. Your marriage should not be run by external forces and people, but if you have to approach counsellors when your marriage is challenging, go for it. It is important to cut off links with any relationship that does not influence your life positively, particularly as a woman. More women have the propensity to talk by nature, so any talk that is not adding value to build your home is a toxic talk, separate yourself from sch people. Not a day should go by without the family praying together at least once. Instead of you just using your phone to gist and watch none edifying materials, use it to pray. This prayer might be as simple and easy as a quick prayer of thanksgiving before dinner. You can also pray together before everyone departs for work or school for the day, or before bedtime for the kids. Before you drive out say a simple prayer. John G. Lake said “I pray as I run and run as I pray.” Pray for your health, instead of badmouthing your partner, pray for him/her. Help, value, respect, communicate with each other. Build your marriage on a solid foundation.
Conclusion. I pray that your home shall be beautiful, colourful and enviable. I pray you will find joy in your home as a child or parent. Whatever is causing pain in your life shall turn to gain. Your home is blessed forever and ever. Shalom
Pastor Amos Dada is the Zonal Superintendent of Chrost Apostolic Church Bethel Canada.
See Parts 1 & 2 of these article on www.nigeriaworld.com