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Ingredients for good sex in marriage

By: Pastor Taiwo Odubiyi

For African women, cooking of different meals is an essential part of education and training as they grow up. To cook different delicacies, various ingredients are used. Their different uses and place must be understood including the quantity and precise time to add these ingredients to bring out a very sumptuous and delicious food every time. In fact an old adage says the way to a man’s heart is through food. Some people add sex. If sex like food, is a major way to get to a man’s heart, then there must be some ingredients that can result in a good, sumptuous and delicious sex!

From the Bible and in the eyes of God, sex can only be right when it is between a male and female who are legally married. Sex was God’s idea, and a good sex life is important for a healthy marriage as I mentioned in my book ’30 things wives do that hurt their husbands’. Christians should enjoy it without feeling ashamed.

They were both naked, the man and his wife and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:25 KJV)

“It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. DO not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time…” (I Corinthians 7.)

Sex can be good and enjoyable or drab and dry. At a programme for married couples, I told the women, “Unfortunately, some Christian wives will die without ever experiencing orgasm or intense pleasure.” This is because people and culture have made some women to believe that they don’t have to enjoy sex, it’s for the husband. For such wives, initiating sex is a taboo, but it shouldn’t be. This is not how God intended sex in marriage to be.

Not all married couples have sexual fulfilment together. As such, they should look for ways and concentrate on making their spouses feel amazing. For great sex, certain ingredients must be present in certain quality, quantity and at precise timings. Some of these ingredients are the following:


1. Timing

For a sweet and satisfactory sex, getting a good or appropriate time is important. A spouse should not come when the other person is sick, tired, under pressure, working, or depressed. Doing it at an inappropriate time may take the excitement away.

2. Foreplay, romance, and good kisses

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for your love is more delightful than wine. (Song of Solomon 1:2 NIV)

Romance prepares the couple especially the wife for great sex. Some Christian wives are not romantic at all. Some of them get too spiritual that they think they are out of God’s will by being romantic or touching their husbands’ bodies. Romance is important because God wants marriage to be exciting. Some people don’t bother to help their spouses enjoy sex. Couples should touch, hug, and kiss.

3. Trust

Intimacy and enjoyment gets better when there is mutual trust and feeling of belonging.

4. Environment

A man could unashamedly have sex in the open, but it’s not so for many women who will want a secluded place, with the door locked. Make the environment conducive, and if your spouse does not want the light on, put it off. Great sex is about pleasing each other.

5. Love

One of the vows of marriage at the ceremony is the verbal affirmation that the man loves his wife and is not using her to satisfy lust or a momentary need. Sex is better when a spouse feels loved as it will get their hearts involved. It brings an emotional connection. Having great sex is more than touching and coming together.

6. Sweet words

Sweet words spoken at the right time is a major ingredient that will trigger a positive response. Let your spouse know how much you cherish him or her. And if there is something the husband or wife wants the spouse to do, they should feel free to say it. There is nothing they cannot tell each other, and they should not feel embarrassed to express themselves. This will make sex better.


7. Acceptance

Each person should accept himself or herself, and also accept the spouse’s body even if there are flaws. If a spouse is self-conscious probably because of size or looks, or made to feel self-conscious, this can be distracting and make things awkward between them. Such a person might have a low self-esteem and would not be able to give the best performance. The couple should feel free with each other and enjoy their time together. Each spouse should be careful not to say things or give a look that will shame the other person. Convince your spouse that the look does not matter and you enjoy being with him or her in spite of whatever it is that he or she is ashamed of.


8. Be involved

The wife should be as involved as her husband is. There are wives who lay down like a log of wood, expecting the husband to do all that needs to be done. Some wives give their husbands the look that says ‘Do what you want to do and get lost!’ This is totally wrong and is a recipe for disaster. Each person should concentrate on pleasing and satisfying the spouse. This would make the sex great.