By: Pastor Taiwo Odubiyi
Every woman wants a good man to marry, and in my new novel ‘With This Ring’, forty-something-year-old single mother, Ibie was no exception. She was looking for a certain type of man: not just good but godly as well, a man after God’s heart who would be good to her. Having made a terrible mistake before, she was determined to get it right this time around. She knew that getting married to an ungodly man would be a recipe for disaster.
How can I get a good man to marry? This is one of the questions ladies frequently ask me. How did I find my husband? The truth of the matter is that I did not find him, he found me. I just wanted to serve God and do things the right way. I wasn’t even praying about a man yet, and there he was. I immediately started praying and studying him. Does he love God? Does he love me? Does he have a good heart? Yes, yes, yes. Eureka!
Who can find a good man? Where is he?
Most men will proclaim each his own goodness, but who can find a faithful man? (Proverbs 20:6 NKJV)
A good man deals graciously and lends; He will guide his affairs with discretion. (Psalm 112:5 NKJV)
There are ladies who think that all the good men are dead but that is not true. They think that they can never find a good man. Anyone who believes this has believed satan’s lies. I was in a church recently and a lady got up to say that if ladies could not get Mr. Right, they should settle for Mr. Available. This is another lie of satan that people listen to. I had to address the issue and correct the lady when it was time for me to preach. Going for Mr. Available will not take a lady to her destination, she will not reach her goal.
People need to begin to listen to the truth which can only be found in God’s words. They must shun satan’s lies which is why I’m writing the novels, counselling, and teaching people on how to have a good relationship and marriage.
There are still a lot of good men around, men who will do their wives good all the days of their lives. In First Kings chapter nineteen in the Bible, when Elijah claimed that he was the only faithful prophet left, God told him he was wrong. There were still some faithful men in the land.
14 And he said, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God of hosts; because the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.”
Then the Lord said to him: “Yet I have reserved seven thousand in Israel, all whose knees have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him.” (1Kings 19: 14,18 NKJV)
I need to admit that getting a good man might be a little difficult and challenging sometimes but it’s not impossible. The people who know God shall be strong and do exploits for with God all things are possible. God desires to guide and help His people, who put their trust in Him and listen to His voice.
For ladies who sincerely desire to marry a good man but have been coming across the wrong ones, here are some of the steps you must take. You will also need to read my novels especially the new one, and You Found Me, My First Love.
What to do.
- To get a good man, you need to decide and know what you want in life first. Do you want a good marriage or just any kind of marriage? If you want a good marriage, then you must wait for Mr. Right. Don’t compromise your stand, God is faithful, He will do it. If marriage is what interests you and not the ‘good’ part, then you can marry any one. The end justifies the means.
- To get a good man, you must also be a good woman because a good man will want only a good woman. He would not settle for less. Like attracts like. But there are ladies who want good men but are unwilling to work on themselves. Some ladies only want to take from a man. They want a man who will pay their bills but they have nothing to add to his life. Such ladies might never get a good man. Most of them end up getting users who will treat them like a piece of trash.
Being a good woman goes beyond going to church or being a Christian. You must have good character which can only come by working on yourself and yielding to God.
You need to realise that as you are watching and studying the man, he is also studying you to know if you are the one who is to come, or should he look for another? He knows how a good lady will dress, he knows that she will not wear clothes that are revealing or will expose her cleavage.
As a good lady, you must know that little is usually much and enough. Wear the right things for your body and do not bare your midriff. Prepare yourself inside and outside.
Second Peter chapter one from verse five to ten admonishes, “For this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. 10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble;
And Proverbs chapter thirty-one states, “She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. 13 She willingly works with her hands. 15 She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants. 17 She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms. 20 She extends her hand to the poor, Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. 25 Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. (Proverbs 31:12-27 NKJV)
3. As a Christian, you must realise that you cannot and should not marry outside the camp. The man must be a child of God. Christian ladies sometimes ask me if they can convert a man to Christianity in order to marry him. No, this is not the way to go. This is what Moni tried to do in my novel ‘Tears On My Pillow’ but she failed. You cannot change a man or make him become a good man. Only God can.
4. Prayer is very important. Be prayerful and ask God for wisdom so you will recognise the good man when he comes and see into his heart. You should never forget that God’s plans for you are plans of good and not evil, to give you the expected end.
A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense.” (Proverbs 24:3)