Love for a child, love for a parent, love for a sibling, and love for a friend – many different kinds of love expressed in many different ways, fairly understandable emotions. The mysterious love is, “falling in love”. The Bible’s definition states that love is patient and kind, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, it does not envy, it is not boastful, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, and it keeps no record of wrongs. If one goes by this more than adequate description, truly being “in love” isn’t experienced by many couples in today’s world.
Looking for Love
Falling in love is not something that can be found; looking for it is a hopeless endeavor. Until a person loves and respects themselves, feeling whole as a person on their own, it seems quite impossible they could ever be prepared to enter into a personal, successful bond with another person. Settling the many past unresolved life issues that may have been closeted for years will allow a fresh start to be made, clearing the way for a new love adventure. The one unchanging thing in this world is that second chances are abundant.
Falling in love and falling in lust are two entirely different emotions; one is Spiritual and long lasting while the other is physical and generally short lived. A feeling of lust; however, is often mistaken for love. The old cliché, love at first sight, should be reworded to read, lust at first sight. A successful couple, who may say they fell in love at first sight and have been together for forty years, was probably just a lucky match from the start.
Young, in lust couples who are absolutely sure they are in love can jump into a legal commitment without much consideration. Dealing with finances, the responsibility of children, the possibly of having to give up plans or goals, and just combining two life styles can be overwhelming; love soon isn’t what it once was. The characteristics one looks at as important in a partner at eighteen are not the same when a person reaches their mid-twenties.
Infatuation is also often mistaken for falling in love. Fascinating, larger than life people have a tendency to draw and attract an audience of admirers. Infatuation is harmless if one is single; if not, it can lead to an error in judgment if those feelings are acted upon. Risking the demise of a good, solid relationship over a simple fantasy could end up devastating. The grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, but it generally turns out to be more of the same grass.
First impressions should be taken lightly. Physical appearance is important to attract interest and good grooming habits are healthy, but looks can only carry a person so far in a relationship. A beautiful person can become ugly very quickly; likewise, a not so physically attractive person can become very attractive when their personality shines through. In the beginning of a relationship, both parties on their best behavior. Hopefully, there are not any long-term decisions made at that point; a person’s true characteristics are generally not revealed until the relationship becomes a bit aged.
Loneliness is often an initiator of a love interest. This is an area where people can find trouble quickly. Lonely people may want a significant other so badly; they tend to be an easy target and become taken advantage of very easily. Also, a lonely person may see a relationship for something it is not, bringing only more loneliness and depression when the truth is faced.
Displaying a willingness to compromise and get along with everyone also can spark interest in one looking for love. It is a key component in any successful, loving relationship. It demonstrates respect for the partner’s opinion and displays an eagerness to live in harmony. Wanting one’s way is a normal instinct, but taking the initiative to see a partner’s point of view and revising one’s one opinion a little is necessary to keep the relationship on an even keel. Two people having the same goals and common outlook, in the beginning, will have a much less rocky road.
Laugh, laugh, and laugh some more. Laughter is good for the soul and people are also attracted to a person with a good sense of humor. “He (or she) makes me laugh,” is a usual response from a person answering the question why they love their partners.
The End of Love
Financial problems can cause never-ending disagreements between partners and send love to the poor house. At the first sign of financial trouble, a couple should seek advice from a professional financial counselor. As the world’s economic outlook becomes more dreary and more couples face foreclosure and bankruptcy, love can spiral downward. Set priorities, make a budget and stick to it, make a plan for long-term financial goals; sit down and plan together. The word “together” is crucial. A couple must maintain a mutually vested interest in a relationship in order for it to grow and survive.
Jealousy is an ugly emotion. It is difficult to understand why a person would want someone that they think wanted someone else to begin with. This goes back to loving and respecting oneself, if a person doesn’t think they are worthy of love, no one else will think they are either. Jealousy could bring someone to cheat, especially after years of accusations. They may feel justified because they are accused of it anyway, might as well do it. Clearly not a justification, but being wrongly accused simply shows a lack of respect by the accuser and no one likes to feel their partner lacks respect for their values and integrity. An untrusting relationship will usually be short term.
Unfaithfulness, hard to understand and even harder to forgive, is the main cause of destroyed relationships. The humdrum of everyday life, that boring routine that most people fall into, can lead to one partner finding excitement elsewhere. Respect comes into play here; however, a cheating spouse may love and respect their partner, especially if there is a long history in the relationship. The deceitful partner may not be looking at a fling as anything substantial, but possibly as a boost to their ego if they are continually criticized at home. They may be trying to bring back a feeling of being alive, or restoring their youth. Some may just be looking to be a little naughty and spontaneous, a feeling long-time couples often lose. With all of the diseases that are easily contracted and can bring home to the spouse, infidelity has become more and more unhealthy, physically as well an emotionally. In the majority of cases, both parties have played a role when infidelity occurs. Couples counseling is an almost inevitable solution for couples striving to repair a relationship damaged by a cheating spouse.
Bringing up negative past events can also destroy love. Arguments should be resolved at the time of, or the next day if it was extremely heated, and not brought up again, ever. Many people use past arguments as ammunition in future disagreements; nothing is resolved.
Falling in love with one’s soul mate; interesting concept to actually believe that one person was born simply to fall in love with just one person out of the millions of people living on this planet. Is it the coincidence that two people should meet? Is it predestined? If so, why do people switch partners so frequently? Maybe meeting a truly compatible life partner is all about the timing. We get a little older, a little wiser, we let the insignificant occurrences pass by without notice, we learn to pick our battles, we learn how to actually have a two-way conversation, we learn how to show respect, and we find it is overall more beneficial to support a partner in achieving their potential than to tear them down.
In the end, despite all the broken hearts and sleepless nights, we all still yearn to hear the bells and whistles of falling in love.